Food Fucks

Some of my past posts have clearly been trivial annoyances that are written more for comedic value than anything. But today I'm writing about Food Fucks and these are people that honest-to-goodness piss me off.

Food Fucks are people that won't shut the hell up about the food during eating times and 100% of the time they know your stomach better than you do. They know when you're hungry and they damn well know ALL of your personal food preferences. Finally, they know that everyone is aching to hear their advice.

Let me explain something. At meal time this is how a food offering should go down:

"Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?"
"Sure, this looks good!"
"Help yourself."
"Thanks!"

or

"Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?"
"No thanks, I'm fine for now."
"Suit yourself."

There is is. Is that so hard? Short, sweet, and to the point. A normal person would understand this. Food Fucks, on the other hand, try my short temper, offer sweet advice, and push me to the point of losing it. Now, a food offering with the Food Fuck:

"Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?"
"No thanks, I'm fine for now."
"Are you sure? There's lots here."
"Yeah, I'm not particularly hungry right now."
"You don't want some potatoes or some corn?"
"No, I'm fine."
"It's really gooood...."
"No thanks."

They just won't let it go. It's like they get peace of mind from knowing that you're chewing on something. What the fuck is the big fascination with food?! Look, if I said I wasn't hungry I probably felt there was no need to eat. It's a simple concept. I don't know why Food Fucks think I'll become hungry if they ask me if I'm sure 15-20 times or why they get some sort of self-relief when I eat.

With food it should come down to one golden rule of thumb: "You like it? YOU eat it!"

Food Fucks need to stop worrying about other peoples' stomachs and focus on their own. Go ahead and offer should you feel the need. Indeed I encourage you to offer. The planet has enough greedy people as it is and it's refreshing to see an act of kindness every now and then. But if you offer and I say no, LET IT GO! When you keep pestering me it becomes incredibly hard to ignore the thoughts of me harming you somehow. If I wanted to eat I'm pretty sure I'd have a fucking fork in my mouth right now, asshole.