Parents, unplug those 360s and send your little terrors out into the yard to play! It's going to be a great next few days weather-wise and any kid who thinks it's a good idea to piss away their March Break playing Xbox is, let's face it, a fucking tool.
First of all, some children are too young to be playing video games. If they start playing too early they become desensitized to violence. Then when they become serial killers later in life, they don't appreciate the feeling of ecstasy that runs through you when you take another man's life. If video games are making people violent, that's fine. But I'd hate to think that somewhere a child is murdering someone and not feeling good about it because he played too much Counter-Strike.
Hell, I had to wait till I was 10 or 11 years old before I got my first video game system and Sonic the Hedgehog stole my soul. I'm pretty sure there are babies being born today with Wiis under their arms whose first words are, "Damn it, bitch! Nine fucking months with no TV to hook this shit up to?!?! You gotta be trippin'. Get the fuck outta my way, I gotta get Wii Fit!"
Children don't appreciate good weather enough. Probably because their whole life is a playground. Children don't have to deal with rear ending someone because of ice and having to go through all the stupid pointless crap that we adults have attached to it. The only thing children have to worry about is colouring pictures and crashing into breakable things. Weather is weather to them.
We need to sit these 5-year-olds down and decree, "No Nintendo! You get your ass outside and have fun! This is great weather and I order you to enjoy it! When I was your age it was always cold and I worked in a dirty factory 16 hours day before coming home to my dinner of hard-tack and hose water. Now stop fucking crying, go outside, and HAVE YOUR PANSY ASS SOME FUN!!!"
Or else...
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