Twitter

Honestly, I think the biggest thing that's really pissing me off about Twitter is that nobody can SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. I have other issues with it which I may choose to elaborate on later, but mainly I just want people to enjoy their stupid Twitter in their own homes or offices or on their phone and I don't want to hear about it every 5 minutes.

It was the same thing 2 or 3 years ago with Facebook. This was when I was in college and at this point I can barely even remember what I went to college for, but I still remember in great detail the endless drone of Facebook talk.

"Are you on Facebook? I'm on Facebook. Why don't you get a Facebook? Facebook is awesome. Facebook is so facebooking awesome that I took a picture of Facebook's home page and posted it on my Facebook. That way anyone who comes to my Facebook will see how much I love Facebook and how facebooking awesome Facebook is.
....I can't wait for Twitter to become topical."

I know Facebook is still pretty damn huge, but the difference is now I live far from people in a cave because I hate everyone who has ever lived...ever. So I don't hear about it as much as I used to, thus it doesn't get on my nerves.

But Twitter is now like Facebook was 3 years ago. Nobody will leave it the fuck alone. It's splattered all over the media like a cyber-beer-shit. "Join the news! We're now on Twitter! Join Discovery Channel! We're now on Twitter! Join me, the Pajamagram Asshole! I'm now on Twitter! And so are Pajamagrams!"

To me it seems like we've got a bunch of children running around calling themselves adults and actually believing they are. Everyone wants the latest toy to show off. Things were working just fine before Twitter and now everyone has to have one. Johnny had fun playing with his G.I. Joe set with all his friends until Max from across the street got a Power Man. Now it's "Fuck you, G.I. Joe!" and everyone's running around with Power Men. And G.I. Joe slinks off and develops a drinking problem because he had the world and it was all taken away and he didn't even do anything wrong. People are just stupid.

It's the same thing with cell phones, and iPods, and BlackBerrys, and penis piercings. Nobody needs one, they just want a toy to walk around and play with.

Before Facebook it was Myspace. Going back to high school here. Everybody had to have a damn Myspace except me. And then I finally got one to share my music with people who might like to hear it. I signed up and looked around and it was a God damn ghost town. Everyone had moved to Facebook.

Being on Myspace is almost laughable now. People ask if I'm on Facebook and I say "No, but I have a Myspace that I never visit and never really did." And they cock their head to the side as if to say, "Myspace? Is that something online? Never heard of it." Cool people are on Facebook. Myspace is now for old people, underdeveloped nations, and creepy people who took it way too seriously when it was at the height of popularity, formed an unhealthy obsession, and who are still on it for most of the day.

But here we are, and I'm stuck with hearing endless comments about Twitter. And I mean, for something to become so huge they could have at least come up with a better name. "Crack" would have been great. This entry would not exist because I'd be too busy laughing at everyone proudly declaring they're on Crack and asking others if they're on Crack. It would also be easier to explain to a curious child why the adults have completely fucked up the planet in the way we have.

Twitter sounds too much like Shitter. And tweeting? Lame. We're all gay little bluebirds flying around chirping at each other now. People, stop wasting your time with pointless bullshit and focus on what's actually important: getting the fuck outta my office frequently.