People Who Flaunt Their Ability to Roll "R"s

Every so often you'll be going down on your girl and she'll look down at you and ask, "Say, baby, you wouldn't know how to roll your "R"s by any chance, would you?" And you look up at her and say "No, sweetums, why do you ask?"
"No reason..."

But by then it's too late. You've gotten yourself stuck in the R Rolling Discussion. With two people maybe it's not so bad. One person can do it, one person can't, you have a chuckle, order a pizza, and call it a night.

The problem is when you have several people in the R Rolling Discussion together. Somehow it comes up when you're out with your buddies at the bar and pretty soon everyone has to know how many people at their table have the ability to roll their "R"s.

The room turns into a cesspool of purring and hissing (the people who can't do it, obviously). And out of this cesspool emerges our douchebag for the day. The guy who can't help taking this already annoying scenario and pushing it one step further.

The world apparently needs to know that this guy can roll his "R"s and he's damn good at it too. He'll be fluttering all over the room rolling his "R"s in peoples' faces, especially the ones who can't do it. He'll be trying to roll the loudest and the longest. He'll be singing songs with nothing but rolled "R"s for lyrics.

You just want to grab him, sit him down, point your finger threateningly at him, and say, "Look, we get it. You're versatile with the R rolling. Cool it, okay? Just chill the fuck out and we can all get on with our evening. There is no prize waiting in the back for you."

Fortunately the R Rolling Discussions don't normally last more than 30 seconds. Once you figure out who can do it, you tend to move on, being that it's not a very exciting topic. But still, I have lingering feelings of dislike for the guy just for thinking he's so awesome.

Maybe I'm cranky. Maybe I'm jealous. Or maybe I'm just sad that he got to read the coffee contest commercial instead of me. Curse you, Tim Hortons.