Chap/Lip/Stick/Gloss

With winter comes chapped lips unfortunately, and I am not excluded. Every so often I will start to get that sensation of "imminent chap". You know, your lips won't stay wet for longer than a few nanoseconds which leads to the feeling of discomfort when you purse your lips together or open really, really wide like Steven Tyler singing Walk This Way.

This is when I decide that I had better put on chap stick before I go to bed or I'm going to wake up and spend the day looking like I'm wearing lipstick. Because that's what happens. A pasty-as-fuck dude who gets chapped lips looks like he's wearing lipstick. Its annoying because not only do I have to walk around with the discomfort of chapped lips, I have to look like I'm a little too in touch with my feminine side as well.

And so, like most people would do, I whip out the ol' tube of chap stick.....and proceed to make the problem worse. You see, I don't know what it is, but whenever I put on chap stick I might as well be putting on lip gloss. I guess it helps the lips and all, but more than anything it just gives me delicate looking, shiny, kissable lips. Which would fucking rock if that was the effect I was going for.

It doesn't matter how much I put on. Even a quick practice lap around Oral Speedway will do it. So I either have to put on chap stick and stay in private for a while or put in on and kiss something so that half of it rubs off. In which case, usually it's breasts. But dodging swinging purses is getting boring so I might just start carrying around a napkin.

I'm just fed up with chapped lips and the solution for them that's almost worse than the problem. And perhaps with the fact that my life is so empty my biggest worry is the negative implications of chap stick.