Every so often you get that one guy that comes up to you laughing uncontrollably. When you're faced with him he either insists you listen to what's so funny or he keeps laughing and you eventually feel obligated to ask him.
Now, I enjoy a good joke as much as the next guy. But there's nothing funny about standing around listening to someone tell the first few words of a joke and then double over in laughter for another 8 minutes. When they finally gain composure they start the joke all over again and get no further than they did the first time before cracking up.
This goes on and eventually you just have to step in and comment, "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but I have to take a huge dump so would you please PROCEED IMMEDIATELY WITH THE GOD DAMN JOKE?!?!"
Usually they'll get the hint and realize that your bowels don't care much for their laughter. So they'll manage to get the joke out and surprise, surprise. Not funny. Gosh, I expected to find it so hilarious I'd forget all about having to drop a dook and spend the next 20 minutes laughing like a fucking moron along with them.
But no. I've found that when someone starts telling you a joke or a story and can't get through the first few words without losing it, it's best to save your time and leave immediately. 100% of the time the joke turns out to be a complete disappointment. Why? Because it's all in the delivery of course. There's a reason why people find John Cleese, George Carlin, and Jerry Lewis funny. They don't stand there guffawing through their entire sets.
Please, if you can't tell a joke properly, wait until you've calmed down or shut the hell up. And leave saltines out of it. You shoot little chucks everywhere and they get stuck in my hair.
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