Daniel Cook

Daniel Cook makes me nervous. I'm kind of glad I've never met him in person and I'll explain why:

THE WELL-BEING OF MY BALLS.

If you don't know who Daniel Cook is, he's this red-headed kid who's on TV from time to time. Possibly on PBS, I don't know. His show is called "This is Daniel Cook" and it's just one of those shows that I always seem to stumble upon for no particular reason. But the whole premise is that Daniel Cook experiences or learns something (making pizza, exercising, going to the dentist) in approximately 6 minutes or less.

Anyway, back to my balls and why Daniel Cook makes me nervous. Don't worry, it's not as bad as that sounded. Let me direct you to this clip here:

Will you look at how this kid behaves? I've been around kids like this and they scare the shit out of me. The kids with poor coordination. The kids that are always absent-mindedly jumping around and clumsily bumping into everything. Because it makes me feel like one way or another I'm going to take a shot in the balls if I hang around them for too long.

Daniel Cook is someone who seems like
a) he will run up to me, punch me square in the balls, and run away laughing loudly. He seems like that kind of kid. You know kids like this? The ones that think it's funny to biff people in the nads for no reason other than their own amusement? And they're so remorseless. These instances always end with a grown man crying and the kid cackling loudly like the little shit that he is.

b) he will accidentally hit me in the balls. Okay, so maybe Daniel Cook is not the type to purposely hit everyone he sees in the balls. That doesn't mean my balls are safe. Maybe I've watched too many episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos but I have this constant fear of approaching children while their backs are turned to me. I've seen way too many children dancing around and suddenly the left elbow flies wildly out and the poor sap standing behind the child ends up in the fetal position wishing for sweet, sweet death. Daniel Cook, to me, seems like the type of kid that dishes out accidental nut shots a little too regularly.

Now that's my balls. My other problem with Daniel Cook is...who is he and who the hell thought he deserved a TV show? Again, back to my traffic light argument. I can't seem to find any background info on Daniel Cook. So until I see something to change my mind, I don't know why he has any right to his own TV show. He doesn't seem to have done anything to earn it. The show is called "This is Daniel Cook" as if he was already a household name and we're supposed to know who he is.

I don't understand. Why Daniel Cook? There are tons of better kids out there to host shows. Kids that can put some enthusiasm into the reading of their title slides. Kids who aren't hyper as fuck in one shot and then bored to tears the next. Kids who aren't constantly glancing around the room as they talk to whichever adult "teacher" is on the show. Seriously, watch a few episodes of Daniel Cook and you'll see what I mean. He clearly recites a question written for him and then as it's being answered he pays attention to everything in the room except the speaker. You'd think by the age of 8 the little bastard would develop some basic interviewing skills. I mean, come on, what else would he be doing all day?

I don't think I have any other problems with Daniel Cook, just that he's too clumsy and uncoordinated and I'd fear for my balls if I were ever around him. But those things alone are enough to get Daniel Cook onto my list.