Cell Phones

I am a 65 year old man living in a 20-something year old's body. Some people say I'm living in the 60s. To some extent that's true, but I'm not a "Heeeeyy man...groovy." sort of person. I'm just kind of living in the past. I'm a young person who hates young people. Well, not all of them. Some of them are pretty sensible. But to get onto tonight's topic, some people can use cell phones responsibly, but (it seems) the majority of young people cannot.

PUT. DOWN. YOUR. FUCKING. CELL. PHONE.

I don't know how I can surpass that intensity on the internet. I feel like I'm still not getting the message across. Just put the fucking cell phone down for the love of God.

I can see how cell phones can be useful, don't get me wrong. Like when a jackass comes a-shooting up your American Citizenship class. Cell phone...pretty fucking helpful.

These empty-headed young people though...there are too many of them that flat out abuse their cell phones. Jesus Christ, every 10 minutes they're on their phones checking for messages or some shit. I really have to cut into the internet on cell phones. Why? Why? Again, unless you're being attacked by a crazed gunman and you have to get a final Rickroll in as you grasp for your final breaths, what is the fucking point? Wait until you get home to waste your life. I'm pretty sure Harry Truman never said, "God, I'm just going to lose my shit if I don't get on MSN like fucking IMMEDIATELY."

What is with this need to always be clicking phone buttons? People are so impatient. Everything has to be instant, real-time, high-speed, gimme gimme, now NOW! Fucking relax. People from 1910 are awesome. Why? Because they wrote letters with (HEART ATTACK WARNING!) a fucking pen and paper! And they expected that it would be a little while before they got a response to what they wrote. And when they got that response it was meaningful because they knew someone had taken the time out of their day to write them back. It wasn't some dim-witted 15 year old kid typing "LMAO" into his phone, standing next to the speaker at an Alexisonfire concert.

What am I trying to say? I get cell phones. I can see how they can be beneficial. But, goddamn, Louisiana trailer-park women with alcoholic husbands don't see the kind of abuse that kids give to their phones. Lay off the phone for five minutes and maybe you can look a few inches above your screen and finally see the face that goes with the voice that's been talking to you for all these years. Holy crap, that's me! I know, I totes sound different than I look!

I think I may have just discovered why nobody under the age of 50 pays any attention to me...