Flat-brimmed Hats

If Bizarro World actually does exist, I'm quite sure I've unknowingly ventured into it at some point in my life. The tip off would have to be flat-brimmed baseball caps and if they never came to be, I'd never have known.

Let me tell you something. When I was a kid, if you had the balls to pull this crap off, your ass would be kicked before second period was through. Flat-brimmed caps were the fashion statement that announced to your peers, "Look at me! I'm a complete square! Fresh meat, right here!"

When I was a kid, this was your baseball cap and often times it looked even worse. If you weren't rocking a torn-up, sweat-stained, dirty Leafs cap with a curve that looked that the top of a coffee mug, you weren't cool.

But time passed and urban/hip hop culture prevailed and here we are in an era where this shit is the bee's knees. When I was 10, black kids didn't even wear hats. Then again, I live in the whitest town in Canada. But now every unenlightened Soulja Boy wannabe is walking around with these fashion atrocities on their heads. I mean, if flat-brimmed hats are an undisputed absolute necessity in our stupid world, give 'em to the black kids. They still look ridiculous wearing them, but they pull it off a thousand times better than any white kid. White kids wearing flat-brimmed hats are a sure sign that inbreeding is running rampant in our society. I can think of no other reason for this shit.

I must be getting older. When I was a teenager, I didn't understand teenagers. At this point I understand them even less. I understand that they do these things to be cool and fashionable, but I don't understand WHY people find these things cool. Why is no curve in your hat cool? Why are spotless, white shoes cool? Why are grills cool? Grills, holy fuck. If it takes you five minutes for you to explain to me why flat-brimmed hats are fashionable, it's going to take you about 9 days to get grills through my head.

This is actually starting to make my head spin so I'm just going to go ahead and blame Soulja Boy. I'm lazy and I need a scapegoat. So screw you, Soulja Boy, you're the reason our kids are so fucking goofy looking. While I'm at it, I'll blame the economy on you too, for no particular reason. I'm sick of thinking of that as well so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.