Sarah Palin Running for President

I know it's not breaking news that Sarah Palin could run for prez in 2012, but since the whole governor resignation thing made it's way into the news, I've heard more talk about it than usual. I will say this: it scares the crap out of me.

Man, we (and by we, I mean "they") dodged a bullet there in November. Even being vice-president of the guy that lost was way, way too close for me. If McCain won and then died, they'd be fucked. Absolutely fucked. And then the rest of the world would be fucked.

This talk that Palin could head straight for the big-time doesn't sit too well with me. Imagine if Dubya fell off a cliff and survived, but suffered massive head trauma and spent 8 weeks in a coma. Upon awakening he'd lost half of the few brain cells he had previously. He then proceeded to submerge his nude self in a vat of LSD for exactly one year. After emerging, he was clubbed in the head repeatedly by mafia members and spent another 6 months in coma. When he woke up the nurse gave him two good slaps across the face and shoved him into the Oval Office and told him to go to work. Imagine that guy running the United States of America. Now imagine if that guy were a woman. Presto! Sarah Palin!

Don't take this the wrong way, I have nothing against female presidents, but Palin is in a league of her own. If she got into office, I'll bet you people around the globe would BEG for George W. again. Palin would turn America into one giant Mormon. America would become one big cesspool of anti-everything. Anti-sex, anti-abortion, anti-smoking, anti-atheist, anti-fucking everything.

And politics aside, if Palin, by some miracle, got elected as president, I'd be off to the caves from Day 1 to spend the following 4 years in isolation. Although I don't agree with a lot of what he's doing in office, thank God Obama is not downright annoying to watch and listen to. At least he looks good and speaks well. If I had to put up with four years of Palin's "folksy" attitude and irritating voice, I'd flat out off myself.

Sarah, I appreciate your enthusiasm and drive and whatnot, but please, please keep it at home and away from an entire nation of people. We're all fucked, but we could, at the very least, prolong the inevitable hitting of rock bottom.