The Wearable Towel

Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! Losers!

Honestly, I think if I'm ever having a slow idea night I'm just going to go into the infomercial vaults. Not that tonight is a slow idea night. There is just no shortage of completely inane products.

I wouldn't be caught dead in a wearable towel and this is coming from they guy that wore some pretty questionable clothing in high school and college. I wouldn't even want anyone to know I owned a wearable towel, let alone wore one. It's just so gosh darn embarrassing.

This is a females' product if anything. Some girls, let's face it, just buy some completely retarded things. If a girl wore this thing it would be downright dumb, but understandable on some level. But a man? I reckon any guy wearing one of these is automatically a huge douche.

Really, the guy getting the morning paper made the whole commercial for me. He gets the "Asshat of the Year Award" for sure. If that guy was my neighbour I would kick him in the balls and then promptly pack my shit up and move. I wouldn't want anyone to think we were friends or anything. That could severely ruin a guy's reputation.

But wearable towel aside, why would you even need to wear a normal towel when you're getting the paper? Are you spending several hours each day in a towel? Honestly, shower, dry off, and put some damn clothes on. Why anyone would need to wear a towel outside is beyond me. Trust me, your neighbours couldn't give two shits about your six-pack if that's what this is about. Cover up.

I'm not really sure which is worse, the wearable towel or the wearable blanket (Snuggie). Both of them are basically the same thing and both of them are completely unnecessary. And they're both bought buy the same two groups of people:

1) College kids who think the product is so stupid that they order one as a joke among friends. It arrives and it's funny for maybe 15 minutes and then it sits in the back of the closet, never to be worn again.

2) Empty-headed people who are convinced the product is a good idea and they will use it on a regular basis. It arrives and it's fun for maybe 15 minutes and then it sits in the back of the closet, never to be worn again.

My only regret about the wearable towel commercial is that none of the chicks were going toga style. That would have been the one thing that could have made this product somewhat reasonable. As it stands though....waste of money.