Neil Peart's Consistently Vacant Expression

If you've ever watched Rush play live you've probably noticed that Neil Peart has one facial expression and only one. It's kind of this constipated grimace. He always seems to look like he's thinking, "God damn it, not another tour. This shit isn't even fun anymore." It's like he's mentally rolling his eyes at the whole situation.

I've decided that Neil Peart either:

a) is a government robot and that's why he's so good (likeliest scenario).
b) had a hardened authoritarian father who locked him in a dim cellar and made him practice the drums at least 9 or 10 hours a day. Neil was fed cabbage, processed meat (which actually contained almost no meat at all), and hose water twice daily and would be given a thorough lashing if he complained about blisters.

It can't be anything else.

Peart actally reminds me of a wise and solemn shaman with his headbands and stiff, wrinkly face. He seems like he's probably seen some shit. Maybe drumming produces some sort of visionary experience for him. Who knows?

I just don't like musicians that seem like they take their work way too seriously. Eric Clapton's been guilty of this as well. I'm not saying I have a problem with their music, in fact a lot of it's good. I just get annoyed with their attitudes. Music's supposed to be fun. Good times. They just need to crack a smile once in a while and not look like their talents are the result of childhood abuse.

Inadvertently Wearing Matching Colours

Unless it's black. This must be one of my little quirks, but it annoys me. I can't stand throwing on an outfit and then discovering that my shirt and pants are the exact same colour. Black is OK though. In fact, all black looks very classy.

I honestly don't know why it gets on my nerves. Maybe subconsciously I relate it to wearing a tracksuit. They often look dumb to me. Maybe it's a subconscious gender role issue with me. I've been conditioned to believe that men just throw shit on and leave the house and women put effort and care into the outfit they're wearing. If I end up wearing matching colours people will think I put some actual thought into what I'm wearing and consider me girly! Can't have that.

Brown is iffy but acceptable for me. On one hand I feel like Dennis Muthafuckin' Hopper, which would almost make total brownness not only acceptable but encouraged. But on the other hand, UPS had to come along and rain on that parade of awesomeness. Because when you wear all brown people don't come up to you and say, "Whoa! You look like Dennis Muthafuckin' Hopper, man!" They say, "Haha, hey Mr. UPS Man!" Bastards.

When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut. Exploring space and meeting Martians were the only two things I wanted to do with my life. That was until I discovered that spacesuits were all white! Or maybe orange or sometimes blue. But that was it for me. I knew that I'd never be an astronaut and I sobbed for weeks. And I knew that I could never fall back on being a serial killer because sooner or later I'd end up in an orange prison jumpsuit.

My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.

The Mythbusters

I don't want you to get the wrong idea now. I don't hate Mythbusters. I don't hate Adam and Jamie. The concept is great and the hosts are tolerable...in small doses. What I mean is that everyone you meet will have that one small thing about them that just gets on your nerves and today I'm on the Mythbusters.

Jamie: You guessed it. Goo goo g'joob. How do you eat with that thing, man? It's like a car wash for food. And let's give the beret a rest. Berets should only be worn by French artists living in empty apartments. If your soul is not broken as you paint grapes under a single pale yellow bulb, don't bother.

Adam: Calm the fuck down. Every time I see you you seem to have one emotion: peppy. If you're trying to counterbalance the utter monotony of your co-host, I get it. But watch it. Overdoing it is really irritating. You know how morning people annoy the piss out of people that just woke up because they're too god damn cheerful? To me, you come off as being that person 24 hours a day. Please "ease us into the morning", so to speak.

Thank you for the hours of entertainment, guys (about 5 1/2 so far)! I'll be a fan for life! Or at least until 3 months after you're canceled and I forget about your show. I just feel like the sooner we clear the air the sooner we can be the bestest of friends!

*cough*