Neil Peart's Consistently Vacant Expression

If you've ever watched Rush play live you've probably noticed that Neil Peart has one facial expression and only one. It's kind of this constipated grimace. He always seems to look like he's thinking, "God damn it, not another tour. This shit isn't even fun anymore." It's like he's mentally rolling his eyes at the whole situation.

I've decided that Neil Peart either:

a) is a government robot and that's why he's so good (likeliest scenario).
b) had a hardened authoritarian father who locked him in a dim cellar and made him practice the drums at least 9 or 10 hours a day. Neil was fed cabbage, processed meat (which actually contained almost no meat at all), and hose water twice daily and would be given a thorough lashing if he complained about blisters.

It can't be anything else.

Peart actally reminds me of a wise and solemn shaman with his headbands and stiff, wrinkly face. He seems like he's probably seen some shit. Maybe drumming produces some sort of visionary experience for him. Who knows?

I just don't like musicians that seem like they take their work way too seriously. Eric Clapton's been guilty of this as well. I'm not saying I have a problem with their music, in fact a lot of it's good. I just get annoyed with their attitudes. Music's supposed to be fun. Good times. They just need to crack a smile once in a while and not look like their talents are the result of childhood abuse.

People Who Sit in "Drive-Thru Alley"

You're probably asking yourself what the title means. Well, not to worry, I'm here to explain of course.

The "drive-thru alley" sitter is the person in the restaurant who sits at the table or booth right next to the window facing the drive-thru line. So when you're waiting in your car in the line you're like 5 feet away from this person and you can see their table and everything on it. If there wasn't a plate of glass separating you from this person they'd pretty much be able to feed you as you sit waiting to order.

These people make me nervous because I always end up looking in at their table and for a few moments we share that nervous eye contact. You know what I mean. You're looking at someone and they catch you looking at them so you quickly look away. But then you think, "Are they still looking at me?" So you look back and they are. And then they get nervous and do the same thing. You don't want them to think you're staring at them, you just want to know if they're staring at you! It's another of those awkward human moments.

So there's that. But I also feel like I'm invading their privacy even though they're the ones that chose to sit right by the window. I pull up in the line and end up next to them and I feel like I'm non-verbally saying to them, "Hey, folks! Don't mind if I just scoot in here and watch you eat, do you? Just checking in to see how everything's going at your table." I feel like an uninvited guest who doesn't even want to be an uninvited guest. I just kind of wandered into the trap.

The worst is when there's more than one person at the table. I imagine them talking about me. "Don't look now but there's a weird fucking guy with long hair peering over your shoulder in the drive-thru line. He keeps looking at me nervously. What's his problem? He's probably on drugs or something. I think I'm really creeping him out somehow. This is fun, let's always sit here!"

At this point I've become so fixated on the people just inside the window that I haven't noticed that the line has long since moved up and the guy behind me is now blaring his horn and hollering at me from his window. His honking is justified but I think calling me a "fucking prick" was a bit much. It's weird, but for me, holding the drive-thru line up is much less awkward than staring at the "drive-thru alley" sitters...

Sitting Backwards in a Chair

There are only two people who should be ever be sitting backwards in a chair.

1) Fathers from late '80s/early '90s family-friendly sitcoms who are consoling their sad children.

2) Entertainers for publicity photos.

And the backwards chair publicity photo has been done to death. It's not original any more. So really, unless you are anything like Danny Tanner you should stop sitting backwards in your chair.

I believe people who do this are desperate for attention but are trying to be subtle about it. They're saying, "Check me out. I'm just here groovin'. Look how I'm sitting in this chair, eh? Pretty crazy. I'm super laid back and just being an individual. I'm such a free spirit."

And it's always the fucking "arms folded with chin resting on top" pose using the back of the chair. I've never seen anyone sit backwards in a chair with their hands in their pockets.

I must point out, however, that as hip as backwards chair people think they are, they are still at a major disadvantage depending on the style of the chair. If some gentleman happens to be sitting in a chair like this guy, it's like his balls are posting a personals ad: Open Legs seek Closed Fist.
Thwack! A straight shot to the beans and not being able to close his legs will teach this guy to sit in a chair like a normal person.

This is some ridiculous '90s trend that's still burning people today. People sat backwards in chairs before the '90s, but that's when it was off the hook. It was the go-to move in sitcoms involving families when a child was sad. The dad would turn the chair around and sit down and pat the kid on the shoulder and say "Let's talk, honey."

It was kind of a visual way of expressing concern and somehow that's acceptable. Everyone else is just trying to look original. Leave the backwards sitting to Danny Tanner and Carl Winslow.