Steven Tyler

Jesus fucking tap-dancing Christ. A while back I wrote a bit about Steven Tyler and Aerosmith which I'm not even going to link to because I just re-read it and it's fucking awful. Basically I stood up for him the band, but now...I just don't understand why,

Steven Tyler has joined American fucking Idol. Somebody shoot me now.

I know Tyler's been clean (well, for the most part) since the mid-eighties but I still kind of think (or thought?) of him as a take-it-to-the-limit rock star who's been through the shit. But every time he's big in the news these days I find that image of him fading bit by bit.

American Idol?! Are you fucking kidding me?! What happened?! This guy went from being quite literally carried onto the stage due to being so completely loaded/tweaked (true rock star) to critiquing 16 year old girls' voices on a bullshit television show (true pussy).

Why are our rock stars getting so fucking soft?! Bret Michaels, Ozzy Osbourne, Alice Cooper, Ronnie Wood, Gene Simmons...they've all got their own fucking little TV or radio shows now and it's all a bunch of crap! These people used to be about putting on a fucking show and being total badasses. They've traded whiskey and cocaine and "I don't give a fuck what the establishment thinks" for ratings and stylists and "What do I have to do to make people still like me?"

And I know Tyler's going to sit there on the Idol judge's panel every week with a stupid hat on his head and a bunch of rings on his hands that some image consultant picked out for him and the rest of them will banter and joke about his Aerosmith career. All in good taste, as per the producers' wishes.

When did rock and roll slip from the hands of the musicians and into the hands of PC marketing assholes?

The age old question: why is Steven Tyler's mouth so big? He knew that one day he'd have to fit six or seven Fox executive cocks in there all at once.

Stupid joke. Stupid show. Stupid everything. Fuck this noise.

People Who Dont Get Steven Tyler and Aerosmith

May I deliver a message the 15-year old girl "Aerosmith fans" out there? Yes?

Fuck you.

Perhaps there were a few in that bunch that didn't deserve it. I'd like to say that I'm an Aerosmith fan. But I'm not one of the bullshit fans I'm posting about tonight.

Aerosmith is not about being a fucking sex symbol. As far as I can tell, no one in Aerosmith is "sexy". Aerosmith is about being at death's door and then coming back and still making good music.

Old school Aerosmith fans get it. Teenage girls don't. Steven Tyler is not sexy. He looks like a meth addict. And that's the point. Aerosmith IS...WAS... drugs. They've been there. They are not there to make 14 year old girls wet. They are not the Backstreet Boys. Aerosmith is about sex, drugs, and rock and roll, not exclusively "he's so hot!"

Back in the day Steven Tyler was looking for coke and a cigarette, not 14 year olds telling him that "Dream On was awesome!" You didn't scream to Joe Perry that he was sexy. You put a good cigar in his mouth, lit it, and hoped that he would look at you in gratitude.

Aerosmith is not for teenage wimps. They are for people who have been doing cocaine for 14 hours straight and are now at least 10 beers deep.

Aerosmith shouldn't be applauded for their sexiness, they should be applauded for their ability to persevere through incredible drug abuse. Aerosmith is badass, not sexy. That is all.