Obama's Smoking Habit

Oh no, oh HAIL no! You gotta be joking me. No, no, no, no. This cannot be.

Today I found out that the United States president, yes, the man you all look up to, get this....SMOKES!!! He smokes! Cigarettes! Can you believe it?! Questionably THE most popular man on the planet right now....he SMOKES!

I, for one, can't believe this and will not tolerate it. The last thing a man in charge of a country at war should be doing is getting cancer. He smokes! I still can't believe it! This is definitely headline news. People should know about the U.S. president's habit. As far as I'm concerned, this is way more important than the state of the economy, the war, the events in Iran, and even the government keeping UFOs under wraps. Seriously! The president of the United States of America...SMOKES CIGARETTES!!!

I honestly can't understand why the media is not all over this. He's smoking! Cigarettes! Doesn't President Obama know that cigarettes are bad for you? Isn't he worried about getting the cancer? It hasn't even been a day since I found out and I still can't believe the president of the U.S. smokes!

Seriously, there should be impeachment immediately. I mean, the president smokes! Do you honestly think a SMOKER could run America? I think not. All smokers get cancer and we can't have the U.S. president dying in a year because he SMOKES!
I mean, what's next? A heroin using president? Presidents of the U.S. should:

-be white
-be male
-be a virgin
-be Christian
-never have ingested any of the devil's drugs
-enjoy only things that the......well....no. Enjoy nothing. Whatever it is, it's a sin, it's unhealthy, and it's WRONG!!!

God damn. The president of the U.S. smokes. I never thought I'd see the day. This is what happens when you let young people vote. You should have to be at least 40 to vote. Anyone under 40 can't make logical decisions. Especially in regards to SMOKING!!!

The president smokes. This is truly the end of the world. The internet agrees with me.

The Obama "Hope" Poster and the Zillions of Take-Offs On It

This update would have been more relevant several months ago, so sue me.

The original "Hope" poster just slightly irritates me because personally I find it really hard to look at. It's just ugly. The colour scheme is just awful. It's like they chose a four year old to pick out the colours and decided beforehand that they'd just run with whatever colours the kid randomly picked. The two main shades just don't match properly. It looks like barf.

Then you've got all the parodies and personalized "Hope" posters. I've done some research and what I've concluded is that 100% of them are not funny. Nor are they cute or original. People seem to think they're being clever by making a "Hope" poster with their own face on it. They're not. All they've managed to do is take a sensible, attractive photo of themselves and turn it into a bland, ugly piece of dog shit.

I studied the "Hope" poster for a long time last night trying to figure out what the hell the big deal was. I was just about to give up and throw it in the garbage, but I thought I'd give my backup theory a go, though I was pretty sure it would be a flop. So I went out and I bought a pair of those cheap red and blue 3D glasses that are made of cardboard and I put them on. Alas, I was right. My 3D Obama theory didn't work either. The president was still as two dimensional as the idiots crying and shrieking "Yes We Can!" at the inauguration.

All I'm trying to say is, stop making ugly rip-offs of ugly posters. If you're going to choose such a terrible colour scheme, I jolly well better be getting some eye-popping 3D action from it. End of story.

Obama Chia Pets

The Obama Chia Pet is in the news because it's being pulled from Wallgreens stores supposedly because it's racist. It is racist. I don't see how anyone can think otherwise. This hate-toy should not only be pulled from shelves, it should be straight up outlawed. What kind of person thinks this is harmless?

Today I waited on hold for my lawyer trying to see if I have a case against McDonalds because I ate their food and I got fat. As I waited, I sent several angry letters to my MP urging him to ban Harry Potter books. They encourage children to practice witchcraft and if you can't see that, you're an idiot. I had Fox News on in the background and I almost missed the Obama Chia Pet story, being so engrossed in my important affairs.

But when I saw Obama's orange head on my TV with green shrubbery coming from the scalp, I was just livid. This is unacceptable. Am I supposed to just laugh this off? How dare you speak condescendingly to me when I take outrage to the fact that Chia has made a Pet that reflects Obama's and millions of other black peoples' natural hair type.

This is racism at it's finest. If I had made an Obama Chia Pet I would at least have the common courtesy to give him a mohawk and not draw attention to his actual hairstyle: short and wiry. This is just plain racist and it's baloney.

What kind of message does this send to my kids? That it's perfectly okay to create likenesses of the U.S. President and be completely realistic about it? I think not. I will not have my children running around in a world of truth. If they aren't outraged, they aren't paying attention.

I just thank God I have a lot of time on my hands or nobody would ever notice this unbelievably hateful toy. Thank God there are people like me who bring things like this to everyone else's attention. I'm dumbfounded by the number of people that just don't care though. They should be thanking me and kissing my feet. I'm doing God's work and most people tell me to shut up. I hate ignorant people.

Sorry I have to scram so soon, but I have an anti-homosexuality rally I simply must be at. You're welcome.

Obama Snubbing Marijuana Users

Before I get into the topic I had planned for tonight (slacking co-workers), I'd like to make a brief GTFOMO mention to Obama's handling of the marijuana legalization issue at today's online town hall meeting. I'm a bit hesitant because I did Prohibition recently and I don't want to turn my website into a regular commentary on the world of marijuana. However, this goes on the list because it's fairly big in the news today and it's not fair to treat the thousands of responsible, adult marijuana users of America who have serious questions about legalization in such a dismissive and joking manner.

The issue is not that he said no, he doesn't think legalization will help the economy. It's the fact that it really wasn't even treated as a serious question when it most certainly is. If he thinks legalization is not good, then fine, but the least he could have done was elaborate on why not and given the question the same respect he gave the others.

The good thing is, I'm not the only person upset about this. The internet has exploded with people commenting on the incident and most of them are saying what he did was wrong. It has gotten people talking and the more this is out there, the less he can simply shrug it off. If enough people are behind this supporting it, Obama will have to address the issue seriously.

I'm just sick of people thinking that everyone who uses marijuana
-is fat and lazy, no ambition
-is stoned all the time
-is hippy-dippy
-eats a bunch of crap, talks slow, and says "man" a lot
-can't remember anything

Look out your window and take note of the first 10 people you see. There you go, that's your average marijuana user. Notice how they're not all clueless hippies. It's time they were treated with a little respect.

"Obama-tailers"

Yesterday President Obama made his first stop to Canada as I'm sure you're aware. I tried to follow it the best I could and as it turned out the media started fixating on something dumb as usual. I'm talking about the fact that he stopped into a store afterwards to buy some Beavertails and maple leaf cookies.

Does anyone care? The answer, my friends, is yes. Because today on the news I hear that that very store's Beavertail and cookie sales have shot up since Obama visited. Some people are really fucking stupid. There is entirely too much Obama-worship going on.

Look, I know that the majority is happy that Obama got elected and happy with the job he's done so far. I don't have a problem with that. Be happy that he got elected. Be proud of him. But some people just have to take things way too far. They treat him like he's God himself and worship every little thing he does.

What's the point of buying things from the same store as Obama bought something from for no other reason other than the fact that Obama bought something there? Are you suddenly better than everyone else for having done so? Do you now have some unspoken, spiritual connection with Obama? I don't get it.

In the news segment there were people interviewed who actually said that they would not have bought a Beavertail there if Obama hadn't. So I'm not just making this up. These people have nothing going on and I have no hope for them.

Half of this country would start drinking piss with breakfast every morning if Time magazine told them Obama did.