T-Shirts from Fundraisers

T-Shirts given out at fundraising events are a gigantic waste of cloth as far as I'm concerned. Who actually wears these things? When someone hands you one of these shirts they're not saying "Thanks for your support! Here's a little something to show our appreciation!"

What they're really saying is, "Have a nice trip to the Salvation Army!"

Because that's where all of these shirts inevitably end up. Don't believe me? Go to your local Salvation Army store or thrift shop and have a look at the t-shirt section. 95 percent of the shirts in there say "Becel Ride for Heart 1997!" on them with a bunch of insurance company logos printed underneath. If "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" didn't exist, the t-shirt section at thrift stores would be about 8-12 hangers on a doorknob.

And if the t-shirts don't end up a a thrift store? Well, there's always room for them to become sleeping gear, exercise gear, or for the truly daring, a wank rag. Could Planned Parenthood logically disapprove of people jizzing into their t-shirts?

The only people I ever see wearing fundraiser t-shirts in public are people who also wearing a fanny pack and shorts that are riding way too high. They all go to the supermarket specifically to "hang out" on the bench by the door and chat with you about their elderly parents' health problems. Creepy.

Do we really need to keep printing these eyesores?

Larry King's Career

What is going on this week? Is it just me or is Larry King being shit on? See, I was under the impression that he was a qualified and respected anchor/interviewer and good at what he does. But this week he's been stuck chatting with morons.

Larry King should be delivering hard-hitting, informative reporting. That's the kind of thing I see him doing. Not asking the Jonas Brothers about their girlfriends, as he's doing tonight. He's too good for that and he's above it.

Tuesday he had Kathy Griffin on his show and it was awful. I have to admit that I've never followed any of her stuff even though I've known her name and what she does for years. I realized how thankful I am for that time in the dark because she turned out to be really, really annoying. She was unfunny, wouldn't shut the fuck up, and the whole interview was just awkward.

And on Monday (I believe?) he had to talk with Idol winner David Cook. Like, what the hell?! Why does such a good anchor get stuck covering absolute fluff? I really feel sorry for him. Why isn't he given the opportunity to use his talents to cover Tehran or Obama's latest doings? Get these fucking pop stars off the news network!

Talk about hindered talent.

The Kelsey's Cheers Card

I went to Kelsey's tonight for dinner. I also give way too many people free advertising on here.

Now usually when I eat out at a restaurant I'm used to enjoying the meal and then having the waitress bring the bill along with a couple of candies for the road. Kelsey's is doing something a little different these days though because the last two times I've been there I've received the bill, the candies...and a small card that says "Cheers" on the front. On the inside is a thank you note and the waitress's signature.

Now I understand that they're trying to be a friendly restaurant that wants their customers to feel appreciated, but the Cheers card just seems to be a little overboard. I get the hint that they care (or are at least being told by management to pretend to care). They're constantly coming by my table asking me how everything is. They smile. They're friendly. I got it.

The card just seems like a waste. I'm not really sure if I'm supposed to take it home or not. It almost seems like a gift. You wouldn't get a birthday card from your grandfather and then throw it out at the same party. I feel like I'm being a bit rude leaving the Cheers card behind. I feel like the waitress will come back later in the night, see the card still on the table, and feel heartbroken that I didn't like the gift she gave me.

But what am I going to do with it if I take it? It doesn't have enough sentimental meaning to keep around like the card from my grandfather. I'm not going to go home and keep it on the mantle for a couple of weeks. What most people would do is throw it into the trash. Outside the restaurant just in case our well-meaning waitress should happen to be watching. Wouldn't want her to cry.

Either way it's going to end up in the trash pretty damn quick. If I take it, I throw it out. If I leave it, they throw it out. And they give away several of these cards every night. I'm not usually a waste-not, want-not kind of guy, but this is just unnecessary. I don't like the thought of how much paper is being processed and then thrown directly into the trash.

Honestly, Kelsey's, a simple thank you and a smile will do at the end of the night. Really.