T-Shirts from Fundraisers

T-Shirts given out at fundraising events are a gigantic waste of cloth as far as I'm concerned. Who actually wears these things? When someone hands you one of these shirts they're not saying "Thanks for your support! Here's a little something to show our appreciation!"

What they're really saying is, "Have a nice trip to the Salvation Army!"

Because that's where all of these shirts inevitably end up. Don't believe me? Go to your local Salvation Army store or thrift shop and have a look at the t-shirt section. 95 percent of the shirts in there say "Becel Ride for Heart 1997!" on them with a bunch of insurance company logos printed underneath. If "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" didn't exist, the t-shirt section at thrift stores would be about 8-12 hangers on a doorknob.

And if the t-shirts don't end up a a thrift store? Well, there's always room for them to become sleeping gear, exercise gear, or for the truly daring, a wank rag. Could Planned Parenthood logically disapprove of people jizzing into their t-shirts?

The only people I ever see wearing fundraiser t-shirts in public are people who also wearing a fanny pack and shorts that are riding way too high. They all go to the supermarket specifically to "hang out" on the bench by the door and chat with you about their elderly parents' health problems. Creepy.

Do we really need to keep printing these eyesores?

Hubert

Does anyone actually read this anymore? It'd be kind of depressing to learn that I'm wasting my time (nearly) night after night...

Anyhoo, am I the only one who finds this guy really creepy? Grown men should not be behaving like this. He seems to

a) Have some sort of mental illness. I feel like if I approached him he'd get hostile and firmly tell me, "Don't bother me now! I'm hunting for birds!" and then quickly scamper off to "bathe himself" in true feline fashion. Thank God they didn't show that.

b) Be mentally sound, but just one of those guys you meet who's super weird. "I just like cats a lot," he'd tell you. I get the impression that Hubert frequently attends swingers gatherings and gets off on really fucked up shit. Like he'd ask you to handcuff him and tease his nipples with a feather while punching him in the balls "because it's hot." He'd probably incorporate the whole cat act into it too. Fucking strange, I tell you.

The last few seconds, I must say, are profoundly disturbing. It seems to go way beyond a "cat" enjoying a scratch and comes across as being highly sexual. Which, as far as I'm concerned, is entirely inappropriate for a cat food commercial. Sexual deviants have never made me incredibly motivated to go out and buy some pet chow.

The truly sad part is that...it's Wink Yahoo! From Uh-Oh! I'm serious, go back and watch it again! A bit of research told me 'tis true. Oh, Wink, Wink, Wink. What have you become? You used to be such a cool guy. Now you're just...really god-damned weird.

If I dressed up like the Punisher would you return to your old ways...or would you just take off your pants and tell me you've been a naughty boy and need to be punished?