Creative Homeless People

I don't know that this is a rant so much as just a commentary on these people, but I have to admit, they get me!

The creative homeless person is simply someone who has thought outside the box and has come up with a clever way to scoop the change from the pockets of passers-by. Most often it's just amusing signs, but there are some who have taken it a step further and they come up with elaborate schemes.

I met this one guy tonight as I was walking down the street just minding my own business. He didn't actually ask me for anything, but I ended up giving him a Toonie anyway. He stopped me wondering if I could call the police. I asked him what for and he told me to look up. I didn't see anything. Then he pointed out a raccoon sitting on a small portion of the eaves above the building we were standing next to. He was worried that it would fall and I could kind of see his point because it was huddled on a small platform and didn't have very many places to go.

Anyway, he was hoping I could make a call and I told him I didn't have a cell phone on me because I didn't own one but I could give him some change for a payphone. And that's what I ended up doing.

Then as I was walking away, my crazy old brain started churning out crazy old thoughts as it tends to do. "Wouldn't it be wicked if that homeless guy had that raccoon trained almost like a pet to climb up to absurd places so he could pretend to be concerned about it and grab a few bucks off morons like me?"

In all likelihood that wasn't the case, but I thought to myself, even if it was I'd still be glad to give that guy some change. Why? Why do I give change to creative homeless people? Because that's at least some effort, my friend!

If somebody asks me "Can you spare some change?", that's not effort. That's being the stereotypical bum. I will tell them, "No, but apparently Obama can (any fucking day now...)." Then I will slap myself for using dated humour and carry on with my day. Point being, traditional methods equal no change from me.

If you tickle that creative part of my brain though, you have a much better chance of getting some jingle in your jeans. As I mentioned before, you're giving it some fucking effort! But perhaps more so, I love creative people. If you can come up with some words on a piece of scrap cardboard that can make me laugh, fuck it, here's some change. It's probably a subconscious thought process like, "Why are you homeless?! You're a creative person and somebody should be paying you for your ideas! That person is now me! Why aren't you at least writing for some shitty little prime-time sitcom?! Best to you, brotha!"

That about sums it up. If I'm ever homeless the first thing I'll do is come up with an epic sign. Something really funny. As opposed to the nonsense I write on here.

People Who Send Weird Al Song Ideas

I've never met someone who has sent Weird Al a song idea. I have never met anyone who has considered sending Weird Al a song idea. I know there are people out there who do and have though because Weird Al's website states more than once "Do not send Weird Al song parodies!"

I don't understand this. For two reasons.

1) Creative artists are not Wikipedia. They are not to be used as a means to channel the collected ideas of thousands of people into one product. Weird Al has been a respected parody for decades because he used his own brain to come up with his own ideas using his own humour. Not because he took your advice and did a Girlicious parody for you.

I'm somewhat of a creative artist. Meaning I started a blog, tried to be funny, and assumed I deserved a more important title than "random blogger". Whatever. The point is, I come up with my own ideas using my own brain and my own humour so I know Weird Al's situation. At least I would if people were sending hordes of entry ideas to my inbox. You appreciate that people enjoy your work but you're not interested in writing about something just because someone brought it up.

There's a reason that programs run for an extended period of time on television. They have writers. Writers work for the show and it's their job to make the show flow, keep it entertaining, and keep it consistent. Friends wouldn't have been Friends if they kept taking audience suggestions every week.
"Me and my boys really like Escalades. Can Rachel drive an Escalade for me?"
And then next week. "Me and my girlfriends really like Porsches. Can Rachel drive an Porsche for me?"

The show would end up being "6 People in a Completely Unrelated Situation From Last Week". You can't just take a bunch of crap suggestions and churn them out at random. It doesn't work. Well, I shouldn't say never. Family Guy's doing OK.

Weird Al has lasted for so long because people appreciate his wit, not other peoples'.

2) Hey, genius, here's an idea. If your song idea is so good, why not record it yourself? Why would you write an awesome song and then send it to someone who already has a ton of awesome songs released, denying yourself of almost all credit. If Weird Al took your song idea and recorded it, what would you get? For an idea, probably nothing. If Weird Al used lyrics that you wrote, you'd get a credit in the liner notes....which nobody will see because most people under the age of 70 download all their music and therefore would not get liner notes to begin with.

And even if someone bought the CD, what are the chances they are going to read all the liner notes? And of those chances, what are the chances they'll see your writing credit and remember it? And of those chances, what are the chances they'll give a flying fuck about who you are?

Why not record your awesome song on your own and if it's so great (because apparently it's good enough for Weird Al), people will love you and you'll become the next big parody and you'll have tons more than a crappy little writing credit in Weird Al's liner notes.

But maybe I'm just greedy.