Nightclubs

I have a real problem with nightclubs, namely that every fucking aspect of them is incredibly stupid. So let's begin.

1)Dancing. It blows. I've had my share of drunk girls pull me onto the dance floor and every moment I'm there is pure fucking agony. Part of it being that I can't dance worth two shits. I've got like 3 moves and they all suck ass. I'm just not creative that way. But mostly it's just my belief that dancing is for idiots. I've got this idea that dancing is just a byproduct of our animal brains. Hard to put it in words but I picture clubbers' brains as being just, "Me want girl. Me move body for girl. Girl think sexy. Girl want Clubber." It just seems so fucking primitive and pointless and desperate.

2)Shitty music. Gosh, do I ever like dancing to 12 minute songs that are just 20 second segments looped over and over and over! Of course I don't. I already said I hate dancing. I honestly don't understand why people like these so called "beats". They're boring as fuck and they all sound the same. And that just covers those delightful clubs where everyone's on X. Let's not forget the hip hop/R&B houses of hell....I can't really go much further into them besides saying that their music is equally shitty.

3)Alpha males. Big muscles, thin beards, smelly colognes, and empty heads. Go the fuck home and take your ego with you. I want to slap these overly-confident assholes who think they're God's gift to the world. But I don't because they'd undoubtedly kick my ass. Badly.

4)Drunk girls. Don't take that the wrong way, I've got no problem with a girl who can drink. I'm talking about the girls who have two beers and then turn into complete fucking morons. Intellect is a major factor for me in deciding which girls are a turn-on. Which is why I will never hook up with Tila Tequila (among many, many other reasons). Why can't I ever talk to any drunk and smart girls at the bar?! Every one I talk to giggles, plays with my hair, and points out quite obviously that it's curly. They're loud, they're annoying, and they're fucking dumb as rocks.

Nightclubs are just a place where horny people meet to participate in inane activities, drink pussy drinks, and bullshit each other for a few hours. A pointless place for pointless people.