Cookie Crisp

Whoa, whoa, hold on. Don't get all up in arms yet. Let me clear something up. I don't hate Cookie Crisp. I hate the fact that I'm 23 years old and not once in my life have I tasted what I would imagine is probably the absolute greatest fucking cereal of all time.

I mean, come on. Fucking cookies! For breakfast! How can that not be every kid's dream? The first time I saw a commercial for Cookie Crisp as a child my head almost exploded. I remember it well. I was watching Ninja Turtles and during a break a cartoon cop and robber came onto the screen. There were tiny cookies. There was milk. So far so good. And then..."part of this complete breakfast!"

I shouted, "HOLY SHIT!!!" at the top of my lungs and then quickly realized what I had done. My father came into the room and promptly defenestrated me for cursing. I'd like to say it was totally worth it, but it really wasn't since I still haven't had Cookie Crisp.

Not only would my parents probably never in a million years have bought it for me, to this day I have not seen one box of it on any shelf of any store I've ever been in. I'm actually starting to think it doesn't even exist and General Mills is just fucking with kids and having a good belly laugh over the whole thing. If there is anyone reading this who has actually obtained this elusive cereal and tasted it's sweet, sweet cookie goodness, please feel free to tell me all about it and be as detailed as possible!

Holy crap, I want this cereal so badly. So, so badly.

"Obama-tailers"

Yesterday President Obama made his first stop to Canada as I'm sure you're aware. I tried to follow it the best I could and as it turned out the media started fixating on something dumb as usual. I'm talking about the fact that he stopped into a store afterwards to buy some Beavertails and maple leaf cookies.

Does anyone care? The answer, my friends, is yes. Because today on the news I hear that that very store's Beavertail and cookie sales have shot up since Obama visited. Some people are really fucking stupid. There is entirely too much Obama-worship going on.

Look, I know that the majority is happy that Obama got elected and happy with the job he's done so far. I don't have a problem with that. Be happy that he got elected. Be proud of him. But some people just have to take things way too far. They treat him like he's God himself and worship every little thing he does.

What's the point of buying things from the same store as Obama bought something from for no other reason other than the fact that Obama bought something there? Are you suddenly better than everyone else for having done so? Do you now have some unspoken, spiritual connection with Obama? I don't get it.

In the news segment there were people interviewed who actually said that they would not have bought a Beavertail there if Obama hadn't. So I'm not just making this up. These people have nothing going on and I have no hope for them.

Half of this country would start drinking piss with breakfast every morning if Time magazine told them Obama did.