I'll start off by saying that I feel that I must be criticizing something which I don't understand here. Surely there must be a part to the picture I'm missing. Wine freaks and wine tastings just seem so ridiculously pointless to me.
I've never seen a wine aficionado that didn't give off an "I'm a complete pompous douchebag" vibe. They all seem to think they're better than everyone else. I can't stand seeing them swirl that small portion of wine at the bottom of the glass. I can't stand the way they waft the scent up to their noses and then eloquently describe it's aroma. And I can't stand the way they swish the wine around in their mouth, spit it out, and then comment on it's aftertaste.
I'm frightened of people who elevate beverages to a godlike status. Christ, it's just a drink, get over yourself. I don't see any milkshake aficionados. I don't see any soda water aficionados. Why the fascination with wine? Because it's commonly viewed as a sophisticated drink and so you have an excuse to get all high-nosed about it? Really, I don't care what type of grapes my wine was made from and what other things the taste is "reminiscent of". It's a drink and it gives me a buzz. Can we move on?
Wine tastings are horrid and I should hope I never have to attend one. All a wine tasting is is an open bar packed with assholes who are full of themselves and not even getting trashed. Which I think we can all agree is the point of an open bar. It shouldn't be a bunch of bespectacled 65 year old men with fat heads and white beards talking out of their asses and lecturing everyone. No thank you.
I have an idea of what would possibly be the best thing ever. You're at a wine tasting and you're ready to slap the next guy in a turtleneck who walks up to you and wants to chat about all the things you couldn't give a fuck about. Suddenly there's a huge crash behind you complete with the sound of shattering glass. You look behind you and some guy has passed out cold and fallen through a table, breaking it in half. He's now soaked in wine and people are gasping and slapping his face, trying to wake him up. You applaud and think to yourself, "Now there's a man who truly knows how to enjoy a wine tasting." How awesome would that be?
Really...wine people, just a bunch of snobby assholes.
